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This post is a conversation with my Higher Self, which I call Amami (which roughly translates as LoveMyself — a challenge, isn’t it?)  After all the excitement of the Shift, which I saw as a portal from 12-12 to 12-21, 2012, and celebrated on Maui in sacred circle, after all the jubilation… there was a period of “not much happening” and then, for the last two weeks, a period of confusion, like  white-out conditions in a snow storm.  I couldn’t quite get my bearings, nothing seemed very real, or to be “important”.  Christmas passed gently and sweetly in a minimalist fashion (3 ornaments, a few cards, a little Christmas music,  family time, peaceful and loving).  New Year’s was the usual early bed in this household.  And yet, the ending of the old/beginning of the new felt Different, more significant than anything I have known in my lifetime.  Under the surface, it felt like Everything had changed… placing before me (and all of us) a clean slate on which to draw a new picture. I began to entertain some radical new ideas and drop other plans that had felt so pressingly important just a month earlier.  This stirred the confusion of course, though it was interesting to some part of me that used to get so caught up in Plans.  I went to my trusty Inner Guide for some clarity.  Here’s the conversation:

Me:  I want to see the big picture!  I feel I am being given it pixel by pixel and it’s taking sooooo long to load!

Amami:  This is the journey you have chosen.  Accept each pixel with wonder and appreciation. Each pixel is a bit of the whole and contains clues, wisdom, inspiration, truth.

Me: I guess I see the pixels and say “this is so tiny, so small.”  Like a snowflake, it is beautiful and unique, and a precious part of the whole, but I feel so impatient!

Amami:  It is because you are afraid you will miss  something,  miss seeing important bits, miss seeing the final one which would complete the picture and thereby miss the whole picture.  You are afraid you will sleep through it, or fail to appreciate enough to be allowed to be given the wondrous final experience.  This is not possible.  You have the rest of Eternity to see the big picture.  This time is for the game of the puzzle.   See the picture slowly unfold, appearing as it is put together piece by piece – Through Your Experience.   You are not being Given the pixels, they are your choices – your experiences.  Enjoy the process.  It is inevitable anyway,  you might just as well have fun! 

Posted by Rev. Jennifer Donaldson, with love and wonder at the ongoing miracle we live.